I used to argue with my Mother about her life. Those times, I didn’t know of any person who shares the same thoughts and beliefs with me. I knew it’s kind of weird, I have no idea where I got that weird feeling from, that ‘She’s the only person responsible of her own misery, frustration, suffering; people getting jealous at her every time she have something new, she keeps giving but she’s not receiving the same treatment in return from the people she had helped and she kept feeling bad about it, etc. etc.’
Until one day, I got tired of her complaints and I told her, ‘If you give, don’t expect something in return from the same person; because if you do, then you’re not giving, you’re doing business. They’re your family (me included). You are receiving much, blessed with a job and a small business, isn’t that enough?’ I have failed to realize that she’s actually a human being too, not just a mother; she has dreams to pursue, a lot of lives she wishes to live like; therefore, she needed more than enough. But she has families who also needed help, and she simply couldn’t say NO to them whenever they asked for something more; she would give more than she could ever give and indeed up complaining in front of me. I thought, ‘She hasn’t really changed. I have a feeling that she’s always been the same when it comes to giving. And it hurts thinking that unconsciously, even with my college tuition fees, she wants something in return too. How about my food? Allowances? All of those? I suffered as well, I was holding back with my wants to help her. I never asked for anything beyond what is needed at school, except that one time I asked money for a Pair of Jeans, which she literally ignored.’
Confused, I asked her ‘Why are you always feeling like suffering despite of your success in life? You have accomplished many projects than I do. I just graduated and started living. I’m even jealous of you being so lucky at things; things comes to you easily. You have friends; you’re not shy like me; you can speak in public, etc. etc. Why not be thankful instead?’ I was really proud of my Mother, except that she’s emotionally suffering; she’s always feeling like surviving, instead of coping; and yet, unconsciously thanking.
Anyways, she answered, ‘If I won’t give, I would feel like I’m going to die. So I have to force myself and keep giving more, even if there is nothing more left for me.’ I didn’t understand her words. It doesn’t make sense to me. She felt like she has to suffer her entire life just to live and I hate thinking that my Mother has a very bad thought and belief. She doesn’t seem to realize that the people she’s helping are people who can, they’re taking advantaged of her weakness, and it irritates me a lot. At least I tried not to be so heavy on her. Once I handed her money, she doesn’t want to accept it. It was very annoying. ‘What does she really need?’
Days before my 24th birthday, I stumbled upon a site named ‘loveorabove.com‘, received free videos links from ‘mindvalleyacademy.com’ to Ms. Christie’s ‘YouTube video: How to change your frequency to change your reality’ where she also teaches energy clearing. I watched the same video time to time, whenever I needed a little guidance and help, until I have connected my mother’s suffering giving birth with me. I remembered she said to me once, that I was actually a very big fat infant, and even joked and call me a ‘Poop’ .
Since then, whenever I would go back in time and trace for root root things of my mother’s suffering, it would always came down to, my mother giving birth. Now, I’m convinced that she was really traumatized back then, afraid to die, and give her all for me to live. Whenever a thought of my Mother pops up about how she’s been so emotional about a lot of things, and I kind of want to blew up fire on her, I would just think and thank of that day I was born; and realize, she was my hero.
Now, I understand what she’s always unconsciously feeling and thinking of something else to blame for, of that same traumatizing experience she’s buried for a very long time. Plus, her mother’s suffering too. We’re actually the same, though I have not experienced giving birth just yet, not too bad for me; but it was for her. I would never have figured it out without experiencing it, if I haven’t found ms. Christie’s website. I am so thankful and grateful.
Sir Wallace D. Wattles ‘The Science of Getting rich‘ [with more than 1,142 real customer reviews at amazon] book shares that same ‘thinking stuff’ that every single one of us have. It’s a very good book, first published in 1910, that a hundred years later, it inspired Ms. Rhonda Byrne’s best selling book and movie, ‘The Secret.’ [click here to read more than 7,155 real customer reviews at amazon.] And then, followed by “The Power [the secret book 2 with more than 1,627 customer reviews at amazon.]”
“Today, I have finally convinced myself not to blame myself anymore of my Mother’s sufferings, that it’s not my fault. Instead, I’m going to give thanks to her, and send her healing, loving, and gratifying energy silently and peacefully, wherever I am right now.”
More of this article available at amazon, ‘Start healing in 60 seconds.’ Sign up for Kindle unlimited: Unlimited reading. Unlimited Listening. Join Amazon Kindle Unlimited 30 days free trial NOW.